kristin has been a bad kristin
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
