Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
