Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
