would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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