The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
