I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize