Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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