whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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