I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
