fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
