I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
