the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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