So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
