So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Randomize
