Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
