So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
