No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
