I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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