i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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