i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
