Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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