yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
