is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You have to summon your inner elephant
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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