Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
