if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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