found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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