I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize