using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
