its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
