Apparently you make a good broom.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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