I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
