uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
