she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
