That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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