How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
