Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
