weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
