I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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