i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
