I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my shit smells like andre
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
