So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
