i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
