We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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