I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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