Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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