and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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