Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
