Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
