Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
