Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
