i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Never joke about your clitoris.
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