Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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