how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
