Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
