My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
