he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize