You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
