we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
