fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're a disaster
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