i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
