just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize