Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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