i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
