idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
