I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
