So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
