Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
