that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
