then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
