So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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