I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
